An excerpt from Goodbye, Mom: A Memoir of Prayer, Jewish Mourning and Healing by Arnie Singer The rabbi of the shul I’ve been saying kaddish at recently handed me a card with someone’s hebrew name on it, and asked if I would have them in mind when I said kaddish on their upcoming Yahrzeit. I felt sorry that the departed soul had no one to recite kaddish on its behalf, but I returned the card to the rabbi. I simply don’t have the space in my mind to think about anyone’s soul other than my mother’s. The kaddish that...
Posts Tagged ‘ Mourning ’
After Thirty
Last week marked the end of the shloshim, the thirty day period of mourning, for my mother. I can now shave and get my hair cut, if I’m told that my appearance warrants it, which I have been, and it does. I’ve also been told that my sadness should be diminished, and that my tears will no longer spontaneously flow. Everyone around me seems to accept that my mourning has ended, and that I can now once again resume my normal life, with, of course, the memory of my mother tucked neatly within my mind, to be called upon...
Shiva Etiquette
The rules of etiquette relating to visiting a Shiva house are designed to help the mourners deal with the pain and sorrow of their loss, and begin the slow healing process. It is important for visitors to familiarize themselves with these rules of etiquette so that they can assist, rather than disrupt, this important stage in the mourning process. Here are some of the rules: 1. Do not initiate conversation with the mourner. The mourner must initiate. This gives the mourners the option to remain silent, if that is what they feel they need to do at that moment....
Nachamu – Consolation
The Shabbat directly following the fast of Tisha B’av is called Nachamu or “be consoled”. The name is taken from the prophet Isaiah who prophesizes the return of the Jewish people from their exile to Israel. The prophecy begins with the words, “Nachamu, Nachamu”. Whenever there is, what seems to be, a superfluous word in the Torah the Rabbis make every effort to give meaning to it. What is the meaning of the repetition of Nachamu, be consoled? The simple answer is that the word is repeated for dramatic effect. The Torah often uses the language of common speech...
Tearing Kriyah
Many of the prohibitions and customs relating to the day of Tisha B’av are the same that relate to a mourner. For example, we sit on the floor and refrain from greeting people. Why then do we not tear kriyah, one of the most fundamental signs of intense mourning, on Tisha B’av? One possible answer is that Kriyah is too intense a form of mourning. Soon after the destruction of the Second Temple the sages sought to establish a uniform set of rules for mourning the destruction. Some sages felt that eating meat and drinking wine should be completely...
A Final Word
My mom, Yehudit Bat Elimelech, left this world on Erev Shabbat, the 18th of Tamuz (July 10th). In the merit of the prayers and mitzvot of hundreds of Jews, she was blessed with a few extra days of strength to spend with her family. She told us that she wasn’t afraid of death, and that she loved us dearly, that we were the reason for her very existence. She was at peace with the knowledge that I would be well cared for by my wife, who she loved like her own daughter, and that we would be there to...
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