Young, upwardly mobile, professional, single Jewish men in Manhattan are extremely driven and focused in their careers. Almost all of my single male friends and acquaintances are extremely successful lawyers, doctors, hedge fund managers, financial wizards, businessmen, doctors, educators, rabbis, and entrepreneurs. They take their careers super seriously and strive to be the best that they can be. In a society where how much you make defines who you are, these topguns have no problem carving their identities on the top of the social pyramid.

When it comes to the pursuit of their soulmates, these same turbo driven warriors somehow transform into mild mannered, laid back, mildly insecure, spectators. Instead of using the honed business skills that make them successful in the world of commerce, they engage in the “dating game” as if it were just that — a game, whose outcome doesn’t really matter anyway.

Let me give you some examples. A guy I recently set up had a nice time on his first date. There were no fireworks or explosions, but she was quite cute and intelligent, so he wisely decided to give it another go. He called her a week later, and was surprised when she said no. Are you? If you’re the target of this post, you probably are. So let me put it in words that you can relate to. If you were trying to land a multimillion dollar client who was in the market for a new vendor in an extremely competitive market, and you had a great meeting, would you wait a week to follow up? You probably would be anxiously making contact by phone or email a day or two later. Why should finding your soulmate be less important? In a tough market, playing hard to get doesn’t work in business, and it certainly doesn’t work when dealing with women, who are looking for a man who is interested enough to show a little initiative and chase, at least a little.

Here’s another example. When searching for new clients or customers, a business man will be relentless, leaving no stone unturned and no contact untapped. When searching for a soulmate, that same hawk will suddenly leave things up to fate…if it’s bashert, it will happen. So what’s a guy to do? The obvious choices are talking to friends and matchmakers, and searching the usual dating sites. One avenue not often explored is facebook. No, I don’t mean randomly browsing for attractive photos and then sending off unsolicited emails or pokes. What I suggest is looking through your friend’s friend lists to see if anyone catches your eye. If you find someone, ask your friend about them. Instead of waiting for, and hoping that, your friend will think of you and match you up with friend number two, and then set you up, you have taken the initiative and given them the nudge that they undoubtedly were waiting for. I’m surprised more people don’t use facebook this way. It seems so logical, and in line with the objective of a social networking site. Of course, be as smart and sensitive in how you do this as you would if you were searching for, and pitching, new clients. Oh, if you think this facebook thing is just wishful thinking, you’re wrong. It’s how I met my wife.

Get serious about dating, and start treating it with the same drive, skill, sensitivity, and smarts that you would if it was your business or career. You’ll be a lot more successful, and you’ll know that you really did everything in your power to make it happen.

Firstly, anyone who is sincerely interested in helping others find their “Basherts” will do so with or without monetary compensation. In fact, they’ve probably already been diligently working at it simply because they want to help others find happiness and, of course, secure for themselves some hefty bonus points from “the man upstairs”. Sure, the money is a nice windfall, but I doubt that it will bring out too many new, and truly sensitive and caring matchmakers.

Secondly, and more importantly, even if the newly inspired and motivated masses emerge from their hiding places and make hundreds of new “shotgun” introductions, the chances of any of those actually resulting in marriage are slim. Why? There are many reasons why people don’t get married. Every individual has their own, unique, and complex set of reasons and obstacles. I’ll list a few common ones.

One reason why so many people are single for so long is not because they haven’t met the right person to marry. It’s because they’re not really ready to make the lifelong commitment marriage demands. I know it seems as though they are, and most truly believe that they are, but the harsh truth is, if they really were, they would have already done so.

Until a man or woman have decided that they are sincerely ready for the ultimate commitment, regardless of how awesome and amazing the person they meet or date is, it simply won’t work. That’s because it has nothing to do with the other person, or how beautiful, handsome, sweet, intelligent, religious, ambitious, articulate, funny…(fill in the adjectives) they are. Since nobody is perfect, the person who’s not really ready will find that one imperfection and break it off because “it’s just not right”. Trust me…I’ve been there, done that, and seen it happen around me scores of times.

Another reason is low self esteem, which can translate into fear of rejection or being judged. If you feel you’re not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough,…you won’t be happy in a relationship.

If a person is unhappy or unfulfilled in their own life, they’ll probably be unhappy in a relationship. No one wants to a part of that situation.

Now that I’ve let the air out of this inspired shidduch solution, do I have anything constructive to offer? I’m glad you asked. First off, please continue to try making matches, but don’t just make introductions. Get to know the individuals you want to set up. Listen to what they have to say. The more you know about the person the smarter you can be regarding the matches you suggest.

What about the obstacles that I mentioned (and didn’t mention)? That’s where I can help. I’m ready, willing, and extremely motivated to speak with anyone who wants help removing their obstacles and finding their soulmate, so please do not hesitate to contact me.

Regarding the Simchat Torah offer, give it your best shot… you never know!